Help, I Seem to be Alive.

No really though.
help. me.

Sometimes life sucks, especially when you have no idea how much you make me die inside every time you see me.

or any of the following:
- "joke around" when I know is secretly hatred or some sort of attitude towards me. But you know what you did to me was wrong.
-I die inside knowing that I didn't put up with you giving me crap.
-I die inside knowing that you took advantage of me.
-I die inside knowing that I look weak, everyday.

"Everytime I see you I wish I was her"

Everyone says:
-I can do better than you
-What you did was hurtful
-Just to get over it.

TRUST ME:

I am trying my absolute hardest to get over you
But it doesn't exactly help when I see you everyday.
And I hang out with the same people you do,
Also, I'm more friends with your new girlfriend than I ever was with you.
Ridiculous right?

I KNOW:
your probably annoyed with all of this vagueness.
I would be too
But sometimes you have to protect yourself by
not saying certain things
Because some people don't understand that
I'M ENTITLED TO MY OWN OPINIONS
and I understand that putting my opinions "out there"
can be a risky thing.
But I'm content with knowing that I'm smart enough
to not say names
or certain details
or mean nasty things about specific people.
because anyone.
ANYONE can see this.

BUT ANYWAYS
excerpt from journal:
I know this is ridiculous
because you were never "mine"
but I poured my heart out to you that day.
and you said nothing.
you didn't care.
Do you have any idea how long it took me to muster up
the guts to say what I said to you?
So I tried to understand.
Now I find myself confused,
Finding out that you got
Exactly what you told me you didn't want.
to say the least I was Shocked,
Emotional
Hurt
Vulnerable
Anxious
and Numb all at the same time.
Was I not good enough?
Was it something I did?
I wish I could say I want the best for you.
I also wish I could say that its easy being nice to you.
But its just not.
But its so easy for you to ignore me,
Its so easy for you to be a jerk to me.
Especially when we agreed to be friends.
That not good enough for you either, is it?
this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever been through.
Because I'm just an average, emotional, teenage girl.
And your just a teenage douche bag.
Thats All.
good.night.

-Disclaimer: For those of you who don't know, I have inherited certain traits from my father, like any normal human being, I inherit traits also, Anyways, when it comes down to it, I am very stubborn, hard-headed, and I DO NOT, FOR WHATEVER REASON, take any 'crap' from anyone or anything. If said 'crap' does happen then I definitely say something about it. I am not afraid of confrontation or using the voice God gave me. I am entitled to my own opinions, If you don't like it, then go somewhere else, its not my problem you don't agree with me.
If it seems like I'm putting off an angry attitude, its because I am.
I'm frustrated.
sorta like drunk blogging.
except the frustrated kind.